well..........
i sms u .tat day. at night.
before i sent u a sms, i took a very deep breath.thinking tat,should i ?
and,after the 1st sms,we continue 2 sms each other everyday.
one night, i did not know what happen to myself,all the sad memory came out all in sudden.
i told u, i m sad. and ur reply is:mind to share with me?
and my answer is yes.
in the msg,i tell u : i think of our past,i m very scared.i think of the sadness that u left for me,the coldness that u gave to me, the sad memory u gave to me.i am scared,i scare of everything, i scare of facing problem again ....i dun wan!!!
and ur reply is : ........speechless...
WTF!!!!!nvm ..i forgive u ..cause i think u might oso felt sorry to me or may b wat...
This few days....i really very emo and easy to loose my control....
i can cry out in a few second.....
i suddenly feel tat dis world is lack of love and full of hateness,selfishness...
1st is i think of my granduncle,after the accident,cant talk in a proper way and hv to lie on the bed now...he is sad...and v r trying hard to help him to b normal..but everything seems like the same....
2nd is i felt sorry to my fren,stephanie,at 1st i told her i m going to the trip, but the next day i told her i m nt going due to some problem.....(the problem is,i 1 2 go back to my home sweet home every week...i 1 2 appreciate the time and chance tat i still can face to face talk with my parents,can hold them,can hv a simple meal with them,ppl who are not away from home wont know abt the feeling,i dun 1 to regret.tat's all) .....and de reply tat she gave to me is i m giving her problem.well....sorry to her again..
3rd is i feel bad with the condition right now,i dun like the place tat i staying now, i dun like the room that i sleeping now,i dun like the meal that i having now.is not tat i dun like the ppl ....i jz dun like to see ppl face and do things....(understand?)...i dun like to wear the mask everyday...i 1 2 show my feeling ,i want to have privacy,i 1 to have freedom~~but i jz cant do tat at HERE!!!AND i jz duno why,i feel tat she is becoming more and more selfish and emo nowadays~well.....I WILL BEAR WITH IT FOR ABT 2 MONTHS TIME and then, i will LEFT!THX LORD!
4th is .....i really wanna to study.....but everyday when i came bak from college,i look back the notes tat i copy,i did not know wat to study........feel tat everything seems like very easy...(but on the fact,i know they aren't)
i call my best fren just now while re-copy my messy notes...but he din pick up...after tat he cold me....when i heard his sound.....i felt relieve.....but when he ask me:anything u 1 2 tell me?i cried....a lot of things i 1 to tell...but he seems like very busy...so i jz said...nothing....
etc etc etc.....feeling better now...........
wat to do now is ...go n take a bath..den sleep ...so Good Night....
p/s:Cousin Rase.....if u read blog,pls dun go n tell ur sister,ur brother, ur mother,ur father or whoever.....i need PRIVACY in front of the FAMILY.thx
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